hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
