operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
