Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
