Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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