and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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