My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
