You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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