you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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