Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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