He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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