btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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