"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
