we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
