@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
