Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
