u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
