You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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