he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
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Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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