Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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