is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
