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we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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