I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sarcasm needs its own font
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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