return my video game
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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