I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
