i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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