Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
