Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
