I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
