woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
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when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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