addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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