Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
