I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
