I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
