Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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