I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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