my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
