are you still at the devil's house?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
