Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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