So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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