So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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