It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
