And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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