Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
