Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There are leaves in my underwear?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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