I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
