I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
