I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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