Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm too high and old for this...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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