we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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