Do you still have your period?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
