I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
