if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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