sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
