is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
