only if we run a train.
done.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
