And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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