I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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