can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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