It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
