that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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