how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
