peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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