Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
