thus making me awesome and them whores
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
