Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
