so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
