you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
